i wonder sometimes what God really thinks of me. i always equate these different things with Him when i’m in some kind of meditative state. either it’s the bug flying around next to me. or it’s the tree that catches my focus , or it’s the bird that hopes up beside me. i like to think and tell myself that God is in those things, or that He sent them to me to help give me some kind of little understanding of who He is. to push some point further that He already has set in my mind.
and yet, for some reason, there’s this little piece of me that finds all of that ridiculous. and i’m not sure where that comes from. maybe it’s just the cynic in me that wants to be a realist. maybe it’s the “lifeboat” person that doesn’t want to people to see how crazy i might actually be. or maybe it’s the whispers of someone trying to bring me down. i used to believe in the power of satan, you know. i used to see and all out the serious power he had on people’s lives and my own. but then people started giving him all this credit. they were constantly blaming him, instead of taking the responsibility for their own choices. suddenly satan became this excuse to do whatever the hell you wanted because you could then back it up by saying, “the devil made me do it”. so my counter-action was to start rolling my eyes and thinking everyone was an idiot and didn’t have the balls to fess up to what they had done – and just take the consequences of their actions. and while i still mostly think this, i also wonder if maybe i’ve let my guard down a little, if maybe i’ve let whispers in of doubt and distrust. if maybe i don’t get it as much as i thought i did – and if maybe i have lost something in the transition of becoming a well-educated adult.
because in my head, i really do think that God could send those things to me. not because i am someone incredibly special, but because i am a romantic. and God knows this. He understands this about me to the depths that no one else has seen – or will ever see. and because He knows this i think He does send those things to me, and i think He does plant those thoughts in my mind. i think that God is so beyond our understanding that He can be completely present with me in this moment. and be completely present with the lady sitting two benches down from me in the same. He can have all His focus and energy on me – and at the same time be playing with the imagination of the kid by the fountain – in his footy pajamas.
i sat by a fountain today and watched a group of small children playing. and it just amazed me how beautiful God made little kids to be. i watched as they ran without inhibition or hesitation. literally throwing their bodies into the centrifugal force of their movement. and it made me think about the words of Jesus – calling us to child-like faith. and often times we think of that in terms of thought – that we should just accept what God is saying to us because He’s God and He said it. but when i saw these kids running without worrying about how they were going to stop, or where exactly their feet were going to land in the process – i wondered if maybe that kind of action and attitude is something kids have figured out – and God wants us to pay attention to. because ministry and loving people, can be really difficult if you’re always watching where you step, and constantly worrying about the end result – if you’re always wondering what germs you’re going to get from a homeless guy who sneezes on you. think about it – kids don’t care about germs. they love em. they are innately drawn to the object that contains the most dirt and grime. and society, Christian or otherwise, is often going in the other direction of Jesus; which is why we have this conspiracy invading our lives of making people OCD. seriously, every other commercial or ad is about how many germs your kid has on him at any time. and how that one booger from another kid is going to infect yours with some terrible disease. it’s ridiculous. my best memories of my childhood are ones where i’m playing in dirt or mud. i played with worms and frogs. and if my cookie fell on the ground, you best damn well believe that i picked that baby up, brushed it off and ate that thing whole.
what kind of society of children are we raising that is afraid of those things? what kind of adults are these kids going to make? do i really want to live in a world where the leaders of our society are constantly putting on anti-bacterial ointment every two minutes? and how does all of that translate in the world of Jesus?
what are we really saying to our kids, or ourselves, when everything has to be wiped with anti-bacterial before we can touch it? what is our world going to look like if all we’re preaching is to be scared of everything?
i think Jesus is calling us to something beyond all that. i think He is calling us to run like children run. to not worry about every little step we take, but to run at life with full force; and if we happen to fall, He is there to help pick us up and kiss our boo-boo’s and tell us to get over it and keep playing – because what is summer and what is life without a couple battle wounds?
