divers-city.

yes folks, it's a two in one day. 

this excerpt is from just a couple days ago when i was walking around the center city area. sometimes, we have the groups explore chinatown, and while they do this, we get to go off by ourselves. it's only an hour, so there's not a whole lot of time to do much. but i've begun a routine where i will go into the redding market (which is sort of an inside farmer's market), get some coffee, and then walk some blocks over to love park and sit by the fountain. 

i just love walking around this city.

the buildings are so grand.

the people are so diverse.

and i am such a cheese ass.

walking into love park, a man asked me how to spell "slip" - as in slip and fall. at first i was terrified because i heard the words "how do you spell..." and i, as we al know, am not a great speller. but when i heard the word we was asking me to spell - "slip",  i felt relieved. this word i knew how to spell. but then i realized the deeper meaning of this man asking me, a stranger, to spell a simple word. how many people walked by before he had the courage to ask the spelling of this simple word? how embarrassing was it for him to have to even ask in the first place?

when i gave him the correct spellage - he thanked me and added - 

"it's been a long time"

and i fully realized the implications of what he was asking. apparently he was filling out some kind of job application and it wasn't that he didn't know how to spell the word, per-se, but it was more that he was out of practice and perhaps was simply drawing a blank.

either way - here was this man. it love park. trying to do something better for his life. trying to push beyond his circumstances. and asking this tiny little girl, which big yellow sunglasses, how to spell a simple word.

also - i'm pretty sure someone renewed their vows in the park today, under the love sign.

good stuff. and it's only 10 am...

...

the interesting thing about this day, was that i also got to send my group to explore a part of philly called olde city. this is the area that has all that historical touristy stuff, but it's all the area that is my most favorite. there's great little shops and bookstores and coffee places and parks. again, when we take groups here we let them roam around on their own, which gives us some time to ourselves to rest and recharge. so here is another chunk from that day.

today i sat in a coffee shop and nearly fell asleep.

so i walked outside to the park by independence hall and sat on a bench and read.

before that, though, i had a good chat with a friend of mine abut life and plans and heart.

and as i told her about how i am falling in love with this city, i began to understand the reality of what i was saying. that i really do feel my heart calling out to this place. that i really do feel a responsibility to stay here and invest more in the city that is already teaching me so much. because what good is it going to do for me to leave?

and this friend made a good point that even if i move to seattle to be closer to home - i still probably won't go home anymore than if i lived here. and if my heart is really somewhere else - then i should be where my heart is.

i still get this overwhelming feeling. of feeling separated from this sense of an old life and part of that is i find myself caring less and less about theological systems. and maybe it's just that i'm reading donald miller and being totally influenced by his words. but i think maybe, part of it at least, is that this city is really getting to me.

because when i'm sitting next to a woman in a wheelchair who can barely speak and can't even pull her own body up to sit straight, theological systems don't matter.

and when i'm at an after school program and the "teacher", who hasn't showered, and thinks wearing a dirty shirt and shorts is dressing appropriately for public because they are the exact same color and therefore matching, is yelling at the kids and bitching about the heat, when these kids probably go home to unair-conditioned, packed houses every day, and i'm just sitting with a young vietnamese girl, who when she plays house and serves me food, i'm ashamed to say, i visualize myself at a restaurant being served by her as my waitress and i fear that this might indeed one day be her fate, theological systems, and quite frankly most everything else, goes out the window. 

because at the end of the day, all that matters, all that these people need is love.

and love cannot manifest itself out of a system.

because at the end of the day, 

all renita needs is love. and the way i can show her that is by touching her shoulder, and at the risk of hurting her and the risk of my personal comfort, push her entire body so she can sit up straight and play uno.

and all linda needs is love. and i can show her how much Jesus loves her by playing house and connect four with her, because in this instance and moment, one person can have her energy and focus entirely on this little girl and tell her how smart and valuable she is.

and even "teacher-lady", whom i have deemed "gladys" because i didn't care to learn her name, and she reminds me of the adult version of gladys from "best christmas pageant ever", even she needs the love of Jesus.

and i am no better or no worse than these. because Jesus came to save me too. and i know this. and i know how much God loves me and how much patience and grace he has for my life. and only he understands the true depths of how much i need it.