Schuylkill /ˈskuːkəl/ ("SKOO-kull")

so yes, i do realize it is now the end of june and my last post was the beginning of june. sorry to all of you - and especially, sorry mom.

life is just so busy. and when my weeks are packed to the brim, it's hard to be motivated to sit down to a computer and type for hours to catch up on the things i've left out. rather, i would like to spend my time doing nothing, or watching movies, or having a picnic by the schuylkill river at sunset (cause that is really living the dream). 

but i understand that there are people out there who care about what is going on in my life, and this grand new adventure that i am a part of. so again, for that, i'm sorry i've forgotten you in the busyness.

i've decided though that i don't want to do a day to day update of everything that is happening in my weeks. frankly i don't care enough to write it, and i'm not sure you care enough to read it (considering my last post, in which i did that, i only got one comment (thanks Z) and the other one i had seven). i follow the numbers people.

so, since i have my journal with me most days, and i feel most methodical when i am writing in that, i think i'll just try doing excerpts from that and see how it goes. hopefully this will give you all more material and make it more motivating for me. because i really do still love the feel of a pen in my hand.

so to get it all started, here's something i wrote in my second week, looking out over the delaware river at penn's landing. 

today i walked around the city.

this city that i feel so connected to already - after only three weeks of being here.

this city that is so open and diverse. 

this city that allows so many different types of people to call it home.

this city that has called me close to its heart.

this city of brotherly love. where i have learned to love so beyond myself.

and i ask myself:

what will this city mean to me beyond this day?

what is this city calling me to beyond tomorrow?

i wonder if i could see myself living here.

loving here.

God You know the desires of my heart.

but do i even know those things?

continue to reveal Yourself to me.

whatever that means and in whatever context that applies.

You have brought me here.

You have called me here.

continue to call me here every morning.

remind me of the purpose You set out for me.

i am here to love You.

to love myself.

and to love others beyond that.

two weeks.

sorry it's been two weeks since i last did an update. life has been pretty busy.

yesterday we just finished up our last hours of training with a great pray/worship time at justin's house. it was great to just soak up the presence of God for a good long while. really refreshing. and i think it got us all prepared for the week to come - when our first group get here. but now i'm getting ahead of myself.

i'll go back a couple weeks - starting with 5.23.monday.

we started the week with some basic training stuff to get us thinking about the cultural differences that we might be facing throughout the summer. then we spent the afternoon playing games with the kids of the neighborhood. it was amazing. the kids here are so full of life and spirit - some of them a little too much spirit. but they are so ready and willing to be loved and adored. we played on the street with them for hours (in which time i also learned how to play four-square and now understand why everyone loves it). after playing games, we went to watch the phillies play. and this is another moment where i just loved being in philly.

we took the subway to the stadium and all the people were wearing philllies paraphernalia. and all of them were short and pasty white - and here, i thought, are my people. there were so many men to behold in their beards, it was glorious.

the game was good too, but i'll be honest, my favorite part was when the entire stadium started doing the wave together. also the $1 hotdogs weren't bad either.

tuesday. 5.26

on this day, krista (justin's wife) came and did "character inventory" with us. which is basically a personality test that puts you in four different categories - visionary, people, plans, and doing. after taking the test, you figure out what you're top two are and that basically describes you. well i, my dear friends, am a four-part blend. which means that my highest and lowest score were on 3 points away from each other. the test itself also implied that i may have an identity crisis, to which i responded, up yours.

but this was a really good moment for me, and for the group. it helped us understand where each other was coming from, and how we might handle different situations throughout the summer. and this is why i love personality tests - it brings such great understanding and life is so much easier that way.

the afternoon was filled with visiting different ministry sites, and then for dinner we experienced our first ethnic restaurant, pattaya, a vietnamese place. even though we went to many other places throughout the week, i think this was my favorite of all of them.

wednesday. 5.27

this was the first day we were able to experience serving in one of our ministry sites. we served at MANNA, which provides meals for those too sick to prepare for themselves. it's a great organization and is able to deliver three meals a day for an entire week, at the very beginning of that week. i had a lot of fun at this place, and i'm excited to be serving there the rest of the summer.

later in the day we visited Honickman, which is an afterschool/summer school program. the lady that runs this is awesome. she's this crazy lady with a red afro named miss chris. when we met her, she was wearing a bright orange sweater, and african jewelry, and just talking it up like there was no tomorrow. this is another place that i'm really excited to be serving at. it will be a lot of fun to hang out with kids from the city.

thursday 5.28

on this day, we spent most of the morning training again. we also had our first guest speaking, chris lahr. chris helped shane claiborne start "the simple way" here in philly. his words were really inspiring and powerful. i think for me, it really helped push me into that mindset of seeing people the way Jesus does and loving them right where they're at. it was just really fulfilling to hear from someone who has such hope and love for the people of this city.

(notice this is going quick, but we have a lot to catch up on so on we go...)

friday 5.29

this morning we spent time doing the chinatown tour, which basically gives groups the opportunity to walk around the chinatown of philly. it was good to experience this for ourselves, so we could be able to talk to the groups about their experiences there.

saturday 5.30

this day was really good. we did what's called the city search. basically it gave us a chance to walk around olde city, which is the oldest, most historic part of philadelphia. one of the first things we did was walk into the old quaker meeting house. there was an older man there, kind of taking care of it, and gave us a semi-brief history of the quaker movement and what it all entailed. i think this was the favorite part of my day. i had never really heard a lot about the quakers and what they actually believe. it was really interesting. some of the things that i really took away from it, was the idea that they believe God exists in all people, and therefore all religions. so they're not really threatened by people believing different things. it was really fascinating to get a quick look into the journey and history of another group of believers.

that night we had cheesesteaks for the first time since being in philly. i had wiz with onions on mine, and a birch beer. i'll be honest, it was the best i've ever had (but i was in store for a better cheesesteak later in the week). we also got a chance to see the film crew for parking wars, which was pretty exciting and made me think of home.

sunday 5.31

this sunday we got to choose where we wanted to go, and so we went to a small episcopalian church in the neighborhood. it was really interesting. i've never experienced a service where i had to follow along to the order of service so carefully. i also got a chance to have wine with communion for the first time - good stuff. the service was interesting. i'm not sure that i've ever smelled so much incense in one church service. but getting serious now, it was a good experience to go to a church service that was a little out of my element. and i really do like experiencing some sense of tradition. i think tradition is important and sometimes necessary. so it was good to go to a service that emphasized that.

monday 6.1

june already. this morning i got to share devotions with the rest of my staff. i talked about the story of hosea and gomer - just to kind of emphasize the idea that no matter what we do, or what the people of the city have done, or what the kids in the groups have done, God will still love us and seek a relationship with us. he will continue to woo us no matter what we do. and then i summed it all up with some words from Jesus about loving others because God first loved us.

we continued with training and visiting ministry sites, including the Inglis House. this is a place for people that are strictly in wheelchairs, either by different illnesses or accidents. the guy who gave us a tour is named Bob and he was amazing. he has such a heart for the residents there and really was so encouraging to us.

tuesday 6.2

on this day we were lead in training by Dan, who is the president of csm. yes the big-wig himself. Dan is in his early fifties and from new york city, and is just that classic picture of a new yorker. he was so funny and sarcastic, and at the same time, this guy really knows what he's talking about. he is so in tune with urban ministry and how to be with people in the city. he was a great inspiration to all of us and really encouraged us in some refreshing ways that i think all of us interns really needed.

wednesday 6.3

i think this was one of my favorite days of training. on this day justin drove us out to new jersey to a summer camp that he used to go to as a teenager. we did some low ropes course stuff and trust building crap that all groups have to go through always. but really, it was great. it was so neat to see how all of our individual personalities and strengths manifested themselves through this process of trying to figure out how to get 15 people on a small block of wood. just great. and through planning and careful articulation, we made over the wall in 12 min flat (or somewhere around there). which is the fastest i have ever seen anyone in the history of the world get over that thing.

after lunch we took about an hour to ourselves. this was much needed for my dear little self. i've realized over the last couple years how important my alone time is for myself. i took the time to sit on an old wooden chair on the bridge of this little stream. it had a perfect view of the woods. i wrote in my moleskine, read my Bible, listened to music, and just soaked up the presence of God. i felt so refreshed and fulfilled afterwards.

perfectly content.

thurs 6.4 (we're almost there)

we took this day to experience the urban plunge, in which time we drop our group in the heart of kensington and let them walk around this part of the city, trying to find someone to bless with two dollars. so we interns were split into two groups. my group ended up buying a haircut for the next person to walk in the barber shop. it was really uncomfortable to walk around all by ourselves. and difficult too to try to figure out how to help someone - cause you can't just walk up to somebody and ask if they're homeless, and could i please buy something for you because you look like you could use two dollars worth of something. but it was a good thing to experience and i think we all ended up feeling satisfied with our blessings, and maybe a little uncomfortable with the process.

and a little uncomfort never hurt anyone.

friday 6.5

amazing race.

this morning we took a couple hours to participate in the csm amazing race. if you've not seen the show, first of all you are missing out, second of all, it's basically a race around the world and you have to make certain stops and pick up clues that will lead you to your next destination. for us, that included ministry sites and restaurants. this was one part of training that i was both nervous and excited for. but it ended up not turning out so well. my group got really really lost and it was pouring rain all day and traffic was bad and pretty much anything that could go wrong did.

there were some moments in there that were good. on the times when i had to give directions i pretty much had a good idea of where i was going, and how to get there. and i also had an opportunity to drive around the city, and that was really sweet. i was very proud of my city driving skills.

this day also signified the last day of our training. the next day would be our first day off and then the day after that we would be getting our first group.

saturday 6.7

there isn't a lot to talk about for this day because there was much of the day that i was awake. we all slept in till almost noon. later we went out shopping and to dinner, but for the most part it was just a chill day.

we did end up having dinner at the perry home and that was fantastic. i must say that i love hurley (their dog) and so look forward to seeing him whenever i get the chance. after dinner we just sat around in justin's living room and sang and prayed together. totally what we all needed to prepare for the week.

sunday 6.8

we went to church at justin's place again. the service was really good, and very much what i needed.

that afternoon we got the house ready and had our first staff meeting.

later that evening the group arrived.....

first days.

as i first walked out of the airport, i saw a man driving his exposed jeep wrangler. he was an older gentlemen, with a belly large enough size to hold all his wisdom and experience, smoking a big ol' stoggie in between his bearded lips. 

i have arrived in philadelphia. 

my first days here have been quite a wild one (well, after everyone else showed up). our first dinner was at ralphs - an authentic italian place in south philly. food was great, accents were delicious, and i found myself held speechless just trying to soak up all that was around me. 

there are five other people doing internships with me this summer:

jessica is from texas and just finished up her freshman year at texas a&m. she will be my bachelorette buddies as much as we can keep up this summer. but we already share the same favorites for jillian. we also share a deep sex appeal for justin timberlake - although i clearly told her this evening that he is mine and she is not allowed to make-out with him.

katherine is from wisconsin (and yes they do really love cheese there). she just graduated and is planning on going to seminary in boston this fall. she was also home-schooled and was an irish dancer for years and teaches girls now. she is nerd and loves star wars and star trek, and lost - so of course we have already connected on deeper levels than most can understand.

megan is from canada, eh?! just like our lovely friend jillian (see above, in the "jessica" section for reference). she reminds me of my dear friend reed reeder and his green card. her family was like one of the first people to start the salvation army church, or something crazy like that. she has already learned new things about our country - like the first amendment and what the oregon trail is, both the actual event and the game.

josh is from virgina, but goes to school in goshen, indiana. his family is mennonite and he reminds me of a freshman phil westlund. he is studying a political science of sorts, and art (which just adds to his phil-ness). 

jon is from michigan. he is the tallest of our group and is reminiscent of a deeper-voiced will ferrell. he's got that good wholesome boy humor about him. 

tim is our associate director, he lives in philly full-time now, but is from chicago. he's been the one i've been in most contact with since i got the job here. his ethnic background includes chinese, swedish (or that general area), and hawaiian. he has been mistaken for jon from jon and kate plus 8 (but i don't want to talk about them now). 

justin the is the new city director, although he's been a director for csm in the past. he's a shorter stockier guy and is very much what i would think of as a typical nice-boy from philly (well actually new jersey). he has very kind eyes and i think he will be a great support for our team.

his wife krista just had a baby, jack, and was originally going to be the director of sorts for philly this summer, but wanted to be able to stay home full-time and be a mom. she is from a greek family and claims "my big fat greek wedding" to be a perfect depiction of that. 

i bring up justin, and krista especially, because one, looking at their child's scowling face i swear i was looking at nate berrian, and two, we had dinner at their place tonight and it was awesome. totally what i think we all needed, and a great way to get to know each other all a little better.

two of the best places to get to know people - around food and around a campfire.

no i have not shown a lot of my crazy yet, it's still too soon people. but i did have a pretty classic tricia moment. basically we were talking about conservative kids not kissing before marriage and how awkward it was (specifically that family on tlc with the crapload of kids). and transitioned into a book i read, FOR SCHOOL, that talked about what churches used to believe about sex. basically it had to do with blood boiling and emitting out of the body, and the phrase in the book said something about it being "kind of like the human espresso machine". well no one laughed, someone walked right in as i said that, and justin had to explain that we were all talking about something fairly harmless and "tricia just took it to another level." 

oh what will the good Lord do with me?

we ended the evening with the prayer tour. this is a time where we drive around different areas of the city, talk about who lives there, and pray for those people and the ministries reaching out to them. it's a really great time to see the city in one big swoop and experience the big picture before we get into the grit of it all. unfortunately on the way to our last stop, a car came over the bridge way too fast, and in our lane. it sideswiped us and then proceeded to continue driving. no one was hurt, although a little shaken up. as justin called his insurance company, megan made a comment about not being able to tell her parents about this event; katherine agreed and added that hers would buy a ticked home; i on the other hand, stated that my dad would simple respond with, "welcome to philly."

welcome to philly indeed. i am glad to be here in the land of my ancestors and am excited to explore the city more and continue to see the people as God does. there are two full weeks of training ahead for us all before groups arrive.

the picture i've posted is a collage exercise we did this morning as kind of a way to show who we are. this link (http://www.facebook.com/note.php?note_id=77848553638) will give you a better description of what everything means but i encourage you to look at it first and see what significance you can guess on your own before you look at the answers. 

i'm off to bed now. 

so good night good friends. 

good night sweet city.

plans.

i've always known plans were important to me.

i like to make plans.

i like to make lists whenever i go somewhere.

i make lists all the time to remember all the little details of my life.

and now i'm just waiting for plans to fall in place....

...and i'm anxious.

in the last year i've realized how many plans i've made and how they have all fallen through. and in my necessity to make plans, every time one falls apart, i feel a little piece of my spirit chip away. maybe i'm being a little melo-dramatic in that.....

but on top of those plans falling through, i have to go through the process of people asking me how this internship is going, or when i'm moving to this new city, or whatever else they've heard that i'm doing, and i have to go through the whole discussion as to what i'm not doing and far behind they are in all the plans that have changed and then catch them up to what's happening in my life now. 

it's all a very tiring thing.

and in the months before the last couple months, i didn't really have a whole lot to talk about. i was still living with my parents, still going to school, and still without a real job, and my life felt like it was going nowhere.

but within the last couple months i have found a little ray of hope in some lightly set plans....

i realized that while i love doing design and it's really fun for me and i've learned a lot, it's not really anything that that's going to be fulfilling. i need to work with people. i need to be in their lives, talking about how they operate in the world and in their relationships. so what follows next? any guesses?

well i decided to switch my focus over to psychology and go to grad school for marriage and family counseling. i feel really excited and think that it's one of the best decisions i've made for myself. it's taken me a long time to figure out who i am and to be comfortable living as that person, but now that i have, other things are starting to fall into place, and this job thing is definitely a big one.

another plan i've made, and the one i'm waiting on, is an internship with an organization called center for student missions. google it if you're not sure what it is. basically i would be a city host who would lead different student groups around as they come to the city for mission trips. i would take them to different ministry sites and the process with them throughout the trip. csm requires that you do an on site interview so i flew to denver and shadowed a group for 2 days. then yesterday i had my interview with the people in philadelphia - which is where i want to actually do the internship at. and now i just wait.

but i lack confidence because i feel like history has shown me i should be prepared for these plans of mine to fall through.

yet we all need to bring ourselves back to reality.

while i really do struggle with these plans falling through, really, i wouldn't have wanted them to work out in the end. the things i was pushing myself towards just really didn't fit me, and i had a lot of reservations before even stepping through the door that i should have been more in tune with. and really really, i am so thankful for my life here. sure, i'm living with my parents, but it's free and i've had the opportunity to connect with my family more as people. and sure i'm still at school, but the economy is in the pits and i have a great blessing of my mom being employed at the university. and i've been able to meet and connect with people i wouldn't have otherwise. and sure i don't have a job, but i've got training for one early next week - so actually i do sort of have a job. 

basically life is good. 

and i'm glad to be here.

i know there are still things in life to come, some things i hope for sooner rather than later, but it will happen. i know i'm taken care of. and i know i'm loved. and i'm not sure there's much more you can ask for beyond that.

except maybe if the sun would like to come out and warm us to spring.

spring....

...is upon us. 

i can feel it in the warmth of the sunshine and the beauty of its radiance. 

i can hear it in the sing song of the birds in the trees.

this week is spring break - so that's probably another good indicator. 

nothing major planned this week. my family is california and i'm here at home with coco. i have goals this week to clean, be creative, and try to get some plans for the future set in order. 

i like having plans.

part of this is that i also plan to start blogging more. so get ready folks - cause the thoughts are gonna start a'flowin!

"good ol' days"

in case you haven't checked your calendar yet - we are in february of the new year already.

with that possibly in mind, i spent some time looking through my old facebook profile pictures. and while that may seem a little cheesy, it actually was a quick way to look through what's happened these past years. 

whether through different haircuts.

or the comments left by people.

it made me think upon where my life has come since then - whenever "then" is. 

sometimes it makes me sad the friends i've lost and who has floated out of my life. but i try to remember the good times and what it was like in those days. and i smile. 

and i can smile because i know i have people in my life right now that mean so much to me. i am so thankful in so many ways for what my life has become. while i don't really know what i want to do with my life - i think i'm starting to get a grasp on it. and while i'm still living at home, i'm really thankful for the relationship that i have with my family. and while there's not really a specific special boy, i have so many great friends that i wouldn't trade for anything. 

i have so seriously learned the value of good, solid friendships. 

so as i look on the "good ol' days" when life seemed so different, i can have confidence and hope in what this golden year is to bring.

meadowlark.

it has been apparent to me that i have not blogged in quite sometime.

and this realization has actually come to me in the form of a wonderful little birdie that i know.

a lot has happened since the last days of my written words.

i turned 23 on the 23rd therefore fulfilling a lifelong goal of having my golden birthday. 

i'm not sure how many of you have achieved life goals, but it can be quite unnerving. mine was met with joy and despair (both at the same time, which is one of the joys of being a woman). but a good friend of mine reminded me that it is not only the day that is golden, but the entire year. so i have this entire year to look forward to the golden things of life that i hope to experience.

i got a job at levi's which is now closing in just a matter of days. but i enjoyed my time there and getting to know new and different people.

and while catching up is fun, i'm getting a little bored now because i really got on here to talk about something specific.

for christmas my mom got me the strengths finder 2.o. basically you go on online and take a test that pinpoints five of your greatest strengths - a personality test of sorts. and we all know how much i love that.

after about a half hour i came to find out that mine five strengths are (in this order):

empathy.

connectedness.

communication

individualization.

activator.

i really love learning about myself. 

sounds slightly conceded, but really i think understanding yourself is on of the most foundational things a person can have to be able to operate in this world - at least in somewhat of a healthy way. i so enjoy learning new and different things about myself, or further discovering who i am and why i am and how i can be. there were just some great thoughts in those descriptions. and while i'd love to take the time to just copy and paste and talk about everything...it's getting late and i have class in the morning. so i'll leave you with this thought for now: the thing i find most valuable in taking these personality tests is not so something can put me in this little box, but because it makes me feel like i have a place and purpose in this world and in the lives of the people around me.