iMac

today my iMac in came in the mail.

20 in.

b-e-a-utiful.

spent pretty much all day working on stuff.

getting settings figured out.

downloading a bunch of stuff.

and still have a lot to do.

went to fridays with some great people.

i've realized that with graduating and all, i really just want to spend the majority of my time with people i'm really going to stay in contact with. this is not to say that other people aren't important to me. the flip-side is that i've really lost connection with those people now - but maybe i just didn't really have it in the first place.

also, scrubs, the office, and lost were awesome this weekend. and once again i realized why God blessed the world with tivo because i didn't have to worry about missing the shows. 

sweet dreams all my little babies.

uninspired

tonight i am feeling completely uninspired - which is not a good think because i have to work on this project for graphic design and right now is the exact moment when i need to be feeling inspired.

today it really hit me.

i'm graduating.

i'm leaving a life that is so familiar and comfortable - for a life totally unknown. 

what am i supposed to do with that?

i realized that there are people i will not see again for a very long time - if ever.

and these are people that i've either re-connected with or people i have just recently connected. and it makes me so distraught that i won't really be able to continue that connection.

relationships are tough.

i wish......

i wish i knew what to do.

slippery slope

i find myself sitting in flying m, yet again, but this time doing homework.

yet in the midst of this, i must pause for thought.

playing in my ear is the album leaf both into the blue and in a safe place albums (but currently into the blue).

and the reason i pause is because of the memories brought back to me by the familiarity of this music and i'm brought back to another time.

last year i was in such a different place. relationships were not even close to what they are now.

it's interesting how certain things can inspire and encourage us. even bring us some sense of comfort in the abyss that we find ourselves in.

and while in most ways i'm glad i'm not in the abyss anymore - in others, i wish i was. 

last year was the worst sort of hell i've ever been through. and because of that, i cried out to God in such a real and raw way. because i didn't have anything else. i was left alone with nothing. isn't it interesting how that seems to be such a common occurrence in life? that we don't seek God fully until it is absolutely necessary. but shouldn't everyday be absolutely necessary?

i long for that emptiness.

that emptiness that makes me so desperate for Him.

i long for that rawness.

the rawness that can only be healed and made new by Him.

in these days when i am struggling to finish my college education and move on to something more, i pray that i don't lose sight of all that God has given me. all that He has shown me. all that i have rooted in Him.

dear reeder.

it seems that i have not been blogging enough in people's opinion so here i am.

i really only have about nine minutes to finish this post because the mac lab is about to close and i'm going to get kicked out. 

these photos are actually from a postcard project i have been working on. as some of you might be able to guess, these are from portland. these are just a few of my personal favorites. enjoy.

i have been really stressed and overwhelmed lately with all i have to do before i graduate. boy is it a lot. but i'm feeling a little better since i just finished this project and have a good start on another one. i think one of the hardest things about a project is starting - finding the direction you want to go in. when i find that - it's like my whole world opens up and i'm able to move and create in ways i never thought possible before. okay, maybe i'm stretching, but the basic idea is there.

six minutes left.

i've also enjoyed the company of a couple fellow art students. we've laughed, cried, sung and created all together. it's been a good time. playing halvsies in both the religion and art departments this year has been quite enjoyable. i've liked having the opportunity of exploring two of my passions pretty freely.

welp, security is turing off all the lights so i must leave you all for now.

good night and good luck.

just like the sun, but more like the moon

this week has been quite devastating if i must say so myself.

nothing it particular - i've just been really sick.

i spent most of the week laying on the couch and the days that i did have some energy to get up and face the world - i ended up crashing probably an hour after.

i'm just glad i don't sound like a young boy who is suffering from a collapsed lung after smoking cigarettes for ten years.

i think my best day of being sick was friday (or thursday, the days get messed together) because i spent the entire day watching star wars (IV - VI, the good years). yes folks, it's true, i love star wars. this marathon came off of watching peter griffin's version of the story, portrayed on family guy. needless to say, it started a hunger in me that i'm glad was satisfied.

tonight was the finally of "here come the newlyweds". with all the writer's strike fiasco - my family was forced to turn to our cheap love of reality tv shows - but this one is good. newlywed couples compete in different tasks that test the understanding and communication between each other. it's just great to watch how this different couples, with totally different stories, work through these simple tasks that you know really lead to something bigger - especially when the in-laws come into the picture. anywho - my personal favorite couple, whom i have come to love - the moutras (spelling?) were the winners of the cash prize tonight. oh it was wonderful. 

oh Lord, what would we have done without your blessing of reality tv?

more blogging to come soon.

also, the title of this post is a song lyric - whoever is the first to tell me the song/band this comes from will get a lolly-pop from me.