new layout

hope you all enjoy the new layout. i must say that i am enjoying it myself. i guess this is what happens when you are on vacation and get used to doing nothing, while you sit on the couch and watch star wars (not the good ones, but episode III was on tv so....). lately i have been working on a lot of crocheting stuff, which i'll post as soon as i get pictures taken. and i've given out two of my christmas gifts which i have been so excited for.

with all that i've made, i'm sorta thinking about starting an account on etsy and seeing what kind of action i can get out of that. i'm not sure that i have the motivation to actually follow through with that. but we'll see.

also i've added a new blog to my sidebar : http://whatiseewhatireadwhatihear.blogspot.com. it's under "alex2". these are the thoughts alex has on movies, music, and books. i'm pretty quick to trust alex's opinion on things, so you should too.

christmas.times

i don't know why it's so hard for me to keep up on my blogging (maybe it's because i'm not sure that any one reads these things anymore) but more likely it's because i want to be so methodical when i post, that i put a lot of pressure on myself.

in an effort to get over that, here's something sweet and short. i've decided to try to add more pictures to my blog - since other people i've seen do that and i love it on theirs. this is a birthday present for a very special person that i am about to send out this afternoon.

this year i have decided to make all of my gifts, seeing as how i don't have much money, and way too much time on my hands. although, that hasn't really been the case this last week. in fact, i brought all my christmas present stuff with me from home, thinking i'd get it all done before i got back, but now i'm not sure i'll be able to finish in the nine days! that i have left in phila before christmas in namps. i am so happy to be going home again so quickly, but also really grateful for the time i've had to invest in this city.

more pictures of more crafy time to come (fingers crossed). thanks to all of you out there who keep up on your own blogging and stop in to see mine every once and a while.

road.trip

here are the entrees from my road trip journal from idaho to philadelphia.

the journey begins...

day 1:

the first couple hours of the journey includes driving in a vast sea of nothingness and sagebrush. but i believe we are making good time. left the house around noon and stopped in rupert. id for lunch at a diner called the wayside cafe. the burgers were delightful and satisfying. at this point i'm hopeful that we are making good time and will hopefully get out of the state soon and on to new adventures.

welcome to wyoming: home of the last cowboy.

oh wyoming. how great a state you are. home to joe v. and lots and lots of nothing, but also home to little america which we are enjoying with great delight (although the signs getting here were more than excessive). currently i await my chicken fried steak and dinner roll. as we pulled into this oasis, we were greeted with a long processional of rv's and semi-trucks. thank you for making us feel so at home.

day 2:

today was fairly uneventful, although we did cross three states in one drive. also, nebraska has made my list of places i'd never like to see again - like kenewick. sara barellis took us across the border into iowa - which was so glorious and refreshing. things that were eventful for the day: john wayne birth place, lady of peace shrine, and the kum and go gas station.

wyoming –> nebraska –> iowa

day three: chicago

today was glorious! we finally made it to chi-town! i was so excited to see my pow.wow people (minus jon of course). roads in chicago are terrible. and priscilla let us stay in her house - in her bed even. mom and i are still enjoying our adventure for the most part, but are glad to have a couple days of break.

day four: chicago cont.

today mom and i explored the town via suggestions of our great local friends. we first went to get some coffee at pick me up cafe - a favorite spot of mr. ian simkins. we then went to wicker park to walk around and enjoy little shops. i must pause here to say that louise is doing so well and i am so proud of her. also, she looked damn good in the city. the evening was spent making a delicious dinner, smoking on the porch, listening to records, and watching a movie. pretty great for one night. also louise and i were able to take a tour of elgin with our tour guide, ian. in the midst of this, we were chased by judson security. i think my time in chi-town is complete.

day five: indiana

today was not as full of conquering as i'm sure my mom and i would have liked. although - we were able to see family in indiana. we met matt at taco bell, of all places, and then drove to nikki's house. so good to see them and aunt denise must say that my love for my cousin grew as i saw how sarcastically she dealt with her kids. gave me hope for the days when i become a mom and can still be myself with my kids.

day six: pennsylvania

we are here! finally this glorious day has arrived. we have made it to this great state and are really philly-bound. on this west side of pa the leaves are really beginning to change. to which i bring the company of fleet foxes, the tallest man, and sufjan stevens. thanks boys - bring me into philly.

day seven: philadelphia

this is the last and final entry for this trip - this chapter of the journal at least. i spent the last couple days that my mom was here getting settled into my room and my home away from home. it truly has been an epic journey. and honestly, i can't help but think about what the trip home will be like - maybe this time camping with my brother. i am so thankful to have been able to share this adventure with my mom. i couldn't have imagined it without her.

w.e.l.c.o.m.e.h.o.m.e

Lord beer me strength.

it has been over two weeks since my mom and i began our journey across this great nation of ours. and almost two weeks since we arrived at our destination, leaving me in philadelphia once again for a new adventure.

i came into this city with certain understandings and expectations. i expected to be able to figure out my way around with slight ease. i expected to find my place and understanding here. i expected to feel a sensation when i saw the sky-line again, saying to myself, “this is my city”. but things didn’t fall into place that easily.

my first days here i struggled with feel lost and so out of place. i felt like a fake and a phony and believed that everyone could see that on my face - like i had this giant label on my forehead that said, “outsider. does not belong here”. it could also have something to do with my idaho plates.

still, i so expected to feel at home, and that sense of peace just wasn’t coming to me.

thankfully, i have a friend here in the city – jon is doing student teaching for the fall. in all the sense of lostness that i feel, it’s good to have someone to lean on a little bit.

one of my biggest goals for my time here was to find and get engulfed in a church community. and the last couple weeks i’ve been attending meetings at a church called circle of hope. it’s been a really great experience. the people are genuinely friendly and really focused on building community. the first week i was there, rod (the pastor) encouraged us to pray for the next 100 people we would meet/come in contact with. to be conscience of that and our influence on them and the possibility that they might make a covenant with that community. i found that so refreshing.

then on thursday i joined jon for his cell group. we spent the first couple minutes of our time split up into pairs walking around old city area praying for different things or people that we saw. and it was such an interesting experience.

see, old city is a part of philly that is more so the “nice” part of town. it’s a lot of mid-class single people living in one bedroom apartments. these people walk their dogs and shop at trader joe’s and own semi-nice cars, or at least a nice bike. they may be going to school or working full-time. they are in their mid-20’s to early 30’s. they live by themselves and work hard to keep that veneer of independency up.

as i began to pray for the people living there, the neighborhood in west philly kept coming back to my mind. people would pass by me on pine street and i'd try to say hello and then be hit with that awkward moment when you realize that other person isn't going to make eye contact with you - much less say hello. while in west phila, people would talk to you and say hello and pull your ear whether you welcomed that or not.

when i went home, one of the first things i would tell people was how friendly people in the city were. and those listening to me would be so surprised and i'd smile because i felt like i had found some precious gem that everyone else had missed. but walking around old city was so different. and i realized that with all the "wealth" these people had in their materials, there was such a desolation of spirit. and in west philly with all the desolation of material, there was such a wealth of spirit and community present there.

so as we gathered back together as our cell group we ask the question

why is community important?

and of course, being the educated theologian that i am, i pull out my brian mclaren podcast and say, that while God was creating the earth and animals - he gave all these things to adam to be in relationship with, they weren't yet satisfying. and mclaren goes on to state that even God himself was not satisfying enough for the hunger and thirst of relationship that adam had. so God gave him eve.

and finally it clicked.

it all came together.

adam had found the creature, partner, equal, to be in relationship with and he didn't have that desire or sense of loss, that he had so experienced before.

and i can't help but think of david bazan's first words in "hard to be":

you've heard the story

you know how it goes

once upon a garden we were lovers with no clothes

fresh from the soil

we were beautiful and true

in control of our emotions till we ate the poison fruit

and now it's hard to be a decent human being

and this is why we struggle to do things on our own and walk our dogs without making eye contact with our neighbors. because we really do crave to be in relationship and community with one another, it's how were created, it's a desire that comes from our basic humanity. but because of our broken choices, we are left with this severed relationship to everything around us - especially with each other.

so community becomes a restoration of the true and beautiful picture that God first laid out for us. we are embracing the purity of ourselves by being in community with one another.

things are getting better. i’m beginning to feel more and more connected. i think i can see a place and purpose for myself, where that was becoming cloudy before. there is still more that God is going to continue to do with me, and i know that. still more that i need to work on and process through, but i know he doesn’t give up on me and won’t do so in the future. he is bringing thoughts and themes into my life daily – and a big one is patience. this will all take time. it will take time for me to get connected to the world around me. it will take time for me to find my place here. it will take time for things to fall into place.

so patience.

and trust.

trust.

and for all these things, i ask that God would give me strength.

Lord beer me strength.

qualifications.

a couple weeks ago i applied for a job to continue on with an apprenticeship at csm in philadelphia. part of the application process was to write out why i felt that i was qualified for the job. here's a little piece of that:

I was working in one of our more disheveled ministry sites a couple weeks ago. The last time I had been there, my group and I spent three days painting a tight stairwell and cleaning out a dusty basement – neither of which had even the slightest ventilation. The site had their maintenance man leading us through this wonderful journey – his name was Wayne. Wayne was this sort of this one-man show, a jack-of-all-trades. Basically anything that had to be done at the main building, or at the various housing sites, had to be done by this one man. In this basement, I quickly realized that all the work we were doing was basically everything Wayne would have had to do himself. So if no one else would appreciate the work we were doing – Wayne would.

But on this day that I showed up (again not knowing what we were doing) I was greeted by Wayne and his readiness for us to clear lots at the residential buildings. Upon arriving at the second house we were cleaning, Wayne pulled me aside and asked if I was in school and what I was doing with my life. I told him that I had actually just graduated and that I didn’t particularly know what I was doing with my life. Then Wayne proceeded to tell me that I should work with some kind of community development because I seemed to be very organized and he suspected I would probably also be very good at organizing people. Now I’m not really the type of person to believe that God often speaks in a literal, audible voice; rather I think He speaks to me in feelings and nudges. In a thought that sparks in my mind out of nowhere. But in this moment, when Wayne was speaking to me in the kitchen of this house, I had to just step back and say, “Okay God, I hear you.”

I’ve always said that I would not like to work in a traditional box-set job: teacher, preacher, counselor. And in this last year, I’ve realized how important it is for me to work with people. I’ve realized that I cannot be fulfilled without that. Which is what drew me to the hosting job with CSM in the first place.

Here I have learned to push beyond my own comfort boundaries and God has really given me grace and peace and strength in places that I so desperately needed it. To be able to talk to a stranger on the streets. To be able to hug a child that I’ve barely known a week. To build relationships with people that I’ve had just a couple interactions with.

I believe that God has called me to work with people in some sort of ministry setting. And this summer I have realized just how important urban ministry is. I have learned to love people I couldn’t have seen myself even having a conversation with before. My desire now, is just pour more of myself into that community and continue to experience love beyond my own understanding. 

here's a link for the job description: http://www.csm.org/apprenticeship.php

also, i did get the job.

cleanse us of all cleanliness.

i wonder sometimes what God really thinks of me. i always equate these different things with Him when i’m in some kind of meditative state. either it’s the bug flying around next to me. or it’s the tree that catches my focus , or it’s the bird that hopes up beside me. i like to think and tell myself that God is in those things, or that He sent them to me to help give me some kind of little understanding of who He is. to push some point further that He already has set in my mind.

and yet, for some reason, there’s this little piece of me that finds all of that ridiculous. and i’m not sure where that comes from. maybe it’s just the cynic in me that wants to be a realist. maybe it’s the “lifeboat” person that doesn’t want to people to see how crazy i might actually be. or maybe it’s the whispers of someone trying to bring me down. i used to believe in the power of satan, you know. i used to see and all out the serious power he had on people’s lives and my own. but then people started giving him all this credit. they were constantly blaming him, instead of taking the responsibility for their own choices. suddenly satan became this excuse to do whatever the hell you wanted because you could then back it up by saying, “the devil made me do it”. so my counter-action was to start rolling my eyes and thinking everyone was an idiot and didn’t have the balls to fess up to what they had done – and just take the consequences of their actions. and while i still mostly think this, i also wonder if maybe i’ve let my guard down a little, if maybe i’ve let whispers in of doubt and distrust. if maybe i don’t get it as much as i thought i did – and if maybe i have lost something in the transition of becoming a well-educated adult.

because in my head, i really do think that God could send those things to me. not because i am someone incredibly special, but because i am a romantic. and God knows this. He understands this about me to the depths that no one else has seen – or will ever see. and because He knows this i think He does send those things to me, and i think He does plant those thoughts in my mind. i think that God is so beyond our understanding that He can be completely present with me in this moment. and be completely present with the lady sitting two benches down from me in the same. He can have all His focus and energy on me – and at the same time be playing with the imagination of the kid by the fountain – in his footy pajamas.

i sat by a fountain today and watched a group of small children playing. and it just amazed me how beautiful God made little kids to be. i watched as they ran without inhibition or hesitation. literally throwing their bodies into the centrifugal force of their movement. and it made me think about the words of Jesus – calling us to child-like faith. and often times we think of that in terms of thought – that we should just accept what God is saying to us because He’s God and He said it. but when i saw these kids running without worrying about how they were going to stop, or where exactly their feet were going to land in the process – i wondered if maybe that kind of action and attitude is something kids have figured out – and God wants us to pay attention to. because ministry and loving people, can be really difficult if you’re always watching where you step, and constantly worrying about the end result – if you’re always wondering what germs you’re going to get from a homeless guy who sneezes on you. think about it – kids don’t care about germs. they love em. they are innately drawn to the object that contains the most dirt and grime. and society, Christian or otherwise, is often going in the other direction of Jesus; which is why we have this conspiracy invading our lives of making people OCD. seriously, every other commercial or ad is about how many germs your kid has on him at any time. and how that one booger from another kid is going to infect yours with some terrible disease. it’s ridiculous. my best memories of my childhood are ones where i’m playing in dirt or mud. i played with worms and frogs. and if my cookie fell on the ground, you best damn well believe that i picked that baby up, brushed it off and ate that thing whole.

what kind of society of children are we raising that is afraid of those things? what kind of adults are these kids going to make? do i really want to live in a world where the leaders of our society are constantly putting on anti-bacterial ointment every two minutes? and how does all of that translate in the world of Jesus?

what are we really saying to our kids, or ourselves, when everything has to be wiped with anti-bacterial before we can touch it? what is our world going to look like if all we’re preaching is to be scared of everything?

i think Jesus is calling us to something beyond all that. i think He is calling us to run like children run. to not worry about every little step we take, but to run at life with full force; and if we happen to fall, He is there to help pick us up and kiss our boo-boo’s and tell us to get over it and keep playing – because what is summer and what is life without a couple battle wounds?

divers-city.

yes folks, it's a two in one day. 

this excerpt is from just a couple days ago when i was walking around the center city area. sometimes, we have the groups explore chinatown, and while they do this, we get to go off by ourselves. it's only an hour, so there's not a whole lot of time to do much. but i've begun a routine where i will go into the redding market (which is sort of an inside farmer's market), get some coffee, and then walk some blocks over to love park and sit by the fountain. 

i just love walking around this city.

the buildings are so grand.

the people are so diverse.

and i am such a cheese ass.

walking into love park, a man asked me how to spell "slip" - as in slip and fall. at first i was terrified because i heard the words "how do you spell..." and i, as we al know, am not a great speller. but when i heard the word we was asking me to spell - "slip",  i felt relieved. this word i knew how to spell. but then i realized the deeper meaning of this man asking me, a stranger, to spell a simple word. how many people walked by before he had the courage to ask the spelling of this simple word? how embarrassing was it for him to have to even ask in the first place?

when i gave him the correct spellage - he thanked me and added - 

"it's been a long time"

and i fully realized the implications of what he was asking. apparently he was filling out some kind of job application and it wasn't that he didn't know how to spell the word, per-se, but it was more that he was out of practice and perhaps was simply drawing a blank.

either way - here was this man. it love park. trying to do something better for his life. trying to push beyond his circumstances. and asking this tiny little girl, which big yellow sunglasses, how to spell a simple word.

also - i'm pretty sure someone renewed their vows in the park today, under the love sign.

good stuff. and it's only 10 am...

...

the interesting thing about this day, was that i also got to send my group to explore a part of philly called olde city. this is the area that has all that historical touristy stuff, but it's all the area that is my most favorite. there's great little shops and bookstores and coffee places and parks. again, when we take groups here we let them roam around on their own, which gives us some time to ourselves to rest and recharge. so here is another chunk from that day.

today i sat in a coffee shop and nearly fell asleep.

so i walked outside to the park by independence hall and sat on a bench and read.

before that, though, i had a good chat with a friend of mine abut life and plans and heart.

and as i told her about how i am falling in love with this city, i began to understand the reality of what i was saying. that i really do feel my heart calling out to this place. that i really do feel a responsibility to stay here and invest more in the city that is already teaching me so much. because what good is it going to do for me to leave?

and this friend made a good point that even if i move to seattle to be closer to home - i still probably won't go home anymore than if i lived here. and if my heart is really somewhere else - then i should be where my heart is.

i still get this overwhelming feeling. of feeling separated from this sense of an old life and part of that is i find myself caring less and less about theological systems. and maybe it's just that i'm reading donald miller and being totally influenced by his words. but i think maybe, part of it at least, is that this city is really getting to me.

because when i'm sitting next to a woman in a wheelchair who can barely speak and can't even pull her own body up to sit straight, theological systems don't matter.

and when i'm at an after school program and the "teacher", who hasn't showered, and thinks wearing a dirty shirt and shorts is dressing appropriately for public because they are the exact same color and therefore matching, is yelling at the kids and bitching about the heat, when these kids probably go home to unair-conditioned, packed houses every day, and i'm just sitting with a young vietnamese girl, who when she plays house and serves me food, i'm ashamed to say, i visualize myself at a restaurant being served by her as my waitress and i fear that this might indeed one day be her fate, theological systems, and quite frankly most everything else, goes out the window. 

because at the end of the day, all that matters, all that these people need is love.

and love cannot manifest itself out of a system.

because at the end of the day, 

all renita needs is love. and the way i can show her that is by touching her shoulder, and at the risk of hurting her and the risk of my personal comfort, push her entire body so she can sit up straight and play uno.

and all linda needs is love. and i can show her how much Jesus loves her by playing house and connect four with her, because in this instance and moment, one person can have her energy and focus entirely on this little girl and tell her how smart and valuable she is.

and even "teacher-lady", whom i have deemed "gladys" because i didn't care to learn her name, and she reminds me of the adult version of gladys from "best christmas pageant ever", even she needs the love of Jesus.

and i am no better or no worse than these. because Jesus came to save me too. and i know this. and i know how much God loves me and how much patience and grace he has for my life. and only he understands the true depths of how much i need it.

Schuylkill /ˈskuːkəl/ ("SKOO-kull")

so yes, i do realize it is now the end of june and my last post was the beginning of june. sorry to all of you - and especially, sorry mom.

life is just so busy. and when my weeks are packed to the brim, it's hard to be motivated to sit down to a computer and type for hours to catch up on the things i've left out. rather, i would like to spend my time doing nothing, or watching movies, or having a picnic by the schuylkill river at sunset (cause that is really living the dream). 

but i understand that there are people out there who care about what is going on in my life, and this grand new adventure that i am a part of. so again, for that, i'm sorry i've forgotten you in the busyness.

i've decided though that i don't want to do a day to day update of everything that is happening in my weeks. frankly i don't care enough to write it, and i'm not sure you care enough to read it (considering my last post, in which i did that, i only got one comment (thanks Z) and the other one i had seven). i follow the numbers people.

so, since i have my journal with me most days, and i feel most methodical when i am writing in that, i think i'll just try doing excerpts from that and see how it goes. hopefully this will give you all more material and make it more motivating for me. because i really do still love the feel of a pen in my hand.

so to get it all started, here's something i wrote in my second week, looking out over the delaware river at penn's landing. 

today i walked around the city.

this city that i feel so connected to already - after only three weeks of being here.

this city that is so open and diverse. 

this city that allows so many different types of people to call it home.

this city that has called me close to its heart.

this city of brotherly love. where i have learned to love so beyond myself.

and i ask myself:

what will this city mean to me beyond this day?

what is this city calling me to beyond tomorrow?

i wonder if i could see myself living here.

loving here.

God You know the desires of my heart.

but do i even know those things?

continue to reveal Yourself to me.

whatever that means and in whatever context that applies.

You have brought me here.

You have called me here.

continue to call me here every morning.

remind me of the purpose You set out for me.

i am here to love You.

to love myself.

and to love others beyond that.

two weeks.

sorry it's been two weeks since i last did an update. life has been pretty busy.

yesterday we just finished up our last hours of training with a great pray/worship time at justin's house. it was great to just soak up the presence of God for a good long while. really refreshing. and i think it got us all prepared for the week to come - when our first group get here. but now i'm getting ahead of myself.

i'll go back a couple weeks - starting with 5.23.monday.

we started the week with some basic training stuff to get us thinking about the cultural differences that we might be facing throughout the summer. then we spent the afternoon playing games with the kids of the neighborhood. it was amazing. the kids here are so full of life and spirit - some of them a little too much spirit. but they are so ready and willing to be loved and adored. we played on the street with them for hours (in which time i also learned how to play four-square and now understand why everyone loves it). after playing games, we went to watch the phillies play. and this is another moment where i just loved being in philly.

we took the subway to the stadium and all the people were wearing philllies paraphernalia. and all of them were short and pasty white - and here, i thought, are my people. there were so many men to behold in their beards, it was glorious.

the game was good too, but i'll be honest, my favorite part was when the entire stadium started doing the wave together. also the $1 hotdogs weren't bad either.

tuesday. 5.26

on this day, krista (justin's wife) came and did "character inventory" with us. which is basically a personality test that puts you in four different categories - visionary, people, plans, and doing. after taking the test, you figure out what you're top two are and that basically describes you. well i, my dear friends, am a four-part blend. which means that my highest and lowest score were on 3 points away from each other. the test itself also implied that i may have an identity crisis, to which i responded, up yours.

but this was a really good moment for me, and for the group. it helped us understand where each other was coming from, and how we might handle different situations throughout the summer. and this is why i love personality tests - it brings such great understanding and life is so much easier that way.

the afternoon was filled with visiting different ministry sites, and then for dinner we experienced our first ethnic restaurant, pattaya, a vietnamese place. even though we went to many other places throughout the week, i think this was my favorite of all of them.

wednesday. 5.27

this was the first day we were able to experience serving in one of our ministry sites. we served at MANNA, which provides meals for those too sick to prepare for themselves. it's a great organization and is able to deliver three meals a day for an entire week, at the very beginning of that week. i had a lot of fun at this place, and i'm excited to be serving there the rest of the summer.

later in the day we visited Honickman, which is an afterschool/summer school program. the lady that runs this is awesome. she's this crazy lady with a red afro named miss chris. when we met her, she was wearing a bright orange sweater, and african jewelry, and just talking it up like there was no tomorrow. this is another place that i'm really excited to be serving at. it will be a lot of fun to hang out with kids from the city.

thursday 5.28

on this day, we spent most of the morning training again. we also had our first guest speaking, chris lahr. chris helped shane claiborne start "the simple way" here in philly. his words were really inspiring and powerful. i think for me, it really helped push me into that mindset of seeing people the way Jesus does and loving them right where they're at. it was just really fulfilling to hear from someone who has such hope and love for the people of this city.

(notice this is going quick, but we have a lot to catch up on so on we go...)

friday 5.29

this morning we spent time doing the chinatown tour, which basically gives groups the opportunity to walk around the chinatown of philly. it was good to experience this for ourselves, so we could be able to talk to the groups about their experiences there.

saturday 5.30

this day was really good. we did what's called the city search. basically it gave us a chance to walk around olde city, which is the oldest, most historic part of philadelphia. one of the first things we did was walk into the old quaker meeting house. there was an older man there, kind of taking care of it, and gave us a semi-brief history of the quaker movement and what it all entailed. i think this was the favorite part of my day. i had never really heard a lot about the quakers and what they actually believe. it was really interesting. some of the things that i really took away from it, was the idea that they believe God exists in all people, and therefore all religions. so they're not really threatened by people believing different things. it was really fascinating to get a quick look into the journey and history of another group of believers.

that night we had cheesesteaks for the first time since being in philly. i had wiz with onions on mine, and a birch beer. i'll be honest, it was the best i've ever had (but i was in store for a better cheesesteak later in the week). we also got a chance to see the film crew for parking wars, which was pretty exciting and made me think of home.

sunday 5.31

this sunday we got to choose where we wanted to go, and so we went to a small episcopalian church in the neighborhood. it was really interesting. i've never experienced a service where i had to follow along to the order of service so carefully. i also got a chance to have wine with communion for the first time - good stuff. the service was interesting. i'm not sure that i've ever smelled so much incense in one church service. but getting serious now, it was a good experience to go to a church service that was a little out of my element. and i really do like experiencing some sense of tradition. i think tradition is important and sometimes necessary. so it was good to go to a service that emphasized that.

monday 6.1

june already. this morning i got to share devotions with the rest of my staff. i talked about the story of hosea and gomer - just to kind of emphasize the idea that no matter what we do, or what the people of the city have done, or what the kids in the groups have done, God will still love us and seek a relationship with us. he will continue to woo us no matter what we do. and then i summed it all up with some words from Jesus about loving others because God first loved us.

we continued with training and visiting ministry sites, including the Inglis House. this is a place for people that are strictly in wheelchairs, either by different illnesses or accidents. the guy who gave us a tour is named Bob and he was amazing. he has such a heart for the residents there and really was so encouraging to us.

tuesday 6.2

on this day we were lead in training by Dan, who is the president of csm. yes the big-wig himself. Dan is in his early fifties and from new york city, and is just that classic picture of a new yorker. he was so funny and sarcastic, and at the same time, this guy really knows what he's talking about. he is so in tune with urban ministry and how to be with people in the city. he was a great inspiration to all of us and really encouraged us in some refreshing ways that i think all of us interns really needed.

wednesday 6.3

i think this was one of my favorite days of training. on this day justin drove us out to new jersey to a summer camp that he used to go to as a teenager. we did some low ropes course stuff and trust building crap that all groups have to go through always. but really, it was great. it was so neat to see how all of our individual personalities and strengths manifested themselves through this process of trying to figure out how to get 15 people on a small block of wood. just great. and through planning and careful articulation, we made over the wall in 12 min flat (or somewhere around there). which is the fastest i have ever seen anyone in the history of the world get over that thing.

after lunch we took about an hour to ourselves. this was much needed for my dear little self. i've realized over the last couple years how important my alone time is for myself. i took the time to sit on an old wooden chair on the bridge of this little stream. it had a perfect view of the woods. i wrote in my moleskine, read my Bible, listened to music, and just soaked up the presence of God. i felt so refreshed and fulfilled afterwards.

perfectly content.

thurs 6.4 (we're almost there)

we took this day to experience the urban plunge, in which time we drop our group in the heart of kensington and let them walk around this part of the city, trying to find someone to bless with two dollars. so we interns were split into two groups. my group ended up buying a haircut for the next person to walk in the barber shop. it was really uncomfortable to walk around all by ourselves. and difficult too to try to figure out how to help someone - cause you can't just walk up to somebody and ask if they're homeless, and could i please buy something for you because you look like you could use two dollars worth of something. but it was a good thing to experience and i think we all ended up feeling satisfied with our blessings, and maybe a little uncomfortable with the process.

and a little uncomfort never hurt anyone.

friday 6.5

amazing race.

this morning we took a couple hours to participate in the csm amazing race. if you've not seen the show, first of all you are missing out, second of all, it's basically a race around the world and you have to make certain stops and pick up clues that will lead you to your next destination. for us, that included ministry sites and restaurants. this was one part of training that i was both nervous and excited for. but it ended up not turning out so well. my group got really really lost and it was pouring rain all day and traffic was bad and pretty much anything that could go wrong did.

there were some moments in there that were good. on the times when i had to give directions i pretty much had a good idea of where i was going, and how to get there. and i also had an opportunity to drive around the city, and that was really sweet. i was very proud of my city driving skills.

this day also signified the last day of our training. the next day would be our first day off and then the day after that we would be getting our first group.

saturday 6.7

there isn't a lot to talk about for this day because there was much of the day that i was awake. we all slept in till almost noon. later we went out shopping and to dinner, but for the most part it was just a chill day.

we did end up having dinner at the perry home and that was fantastic. i must say that i love hurley (their dog) and so look forward to seeing him whenever i get the chance. after dinner we just sat around in justin's living room and sang and prayed together. totally what we all needed to prepare for the week.

sunday 6.8

we went to church at justin's place again. the service was really good, and very much what i needed.

that afternoon we got the house ready and had our first staff meeting.

later that evening the group arrived.....